- July 27th, 2010
I've been depressed lately. That sucks.
I kind of want to smoke, but i want to be able to pass a drug test for some crazy reason. There are no drug tests coming up, but what if I get a job or something crazy happens, that wont?
My boyfriend sucks balls. My mom called him yesterday and he said "Is katelyn holding a gun up to your head making you call me to see what I'm doing?" WTF is that? He ha been really sick since thurday, today is tuesday. Friday he went out to the lake with his friends, asked if he could bring my dog. Then didnt, and didnt invite me to go. Then Saturday he went to Portland to see his mom and go shopping at Ikea. he didnt invite me, though I told him i wanted to go and that I wanted to go to Ikea as well. He said maybe another time. Sunday he got home, and put the furniture together with his parents. I asked if I could help and he said he would just call me later. He showed up at my house at 10 pm and went straight to bed. Yesterday he woke up and left, saying he was busy. I went to my moms work and found him there helping her with odds and ends. Too busy? Then he went home, i asked if I could come take care of him and he said no, his mom is coming down from Portland to help him install an AC in his house. After she left I asked if I could come over and bring him dinner, he said he aleady ate and he is going to sleep. I asked him if he wanted to see me and he said, "I would advise you didnt." So I stayed home. Thats when my mo called him, I didnt tell her to, but she knew he was 'sick'. I asked him if he would just stay home and get better, because thats the only way he is going to get better. He said he would. Then last night he told me he had to get up at 5am to go work in reedsport, about 3 hours from here, to go work with his dad until friday or saturday. Then Im moving, and the day after I move, he is going to go work at a fair in northern oregon.
He obviously doesnt want a girlfriend. I understand he is stressed out with work, but he is making o much money at the fairs he doesnt need to go work with his dad. He said he wasnt going to see him until the step mom left, and here he is, going down there to do the exact thing he said he wouldnt.
So I want to break up with him. We have been together for a couple months, and everyone that I talk to about it just sayd "Fuck him, Katelyn! You deserve better than that, he isnt into you, move on" So I decided Im going to go to his house, get all my stuff, and leave his key there. I dont think I'll talk to him the rest of the time he is in Reedsport, and just go on with my life. Because he is holding me back, not phycially or anything, but I cant fucking THINK. I cant sleep at night because Im freaking out in my head over and over. It would make a lot of sense if he was seeing someone. i wish he was god damn it. I hate men.
I still talk to Ricky a lot, he misses me and i miss him. We spent the last month together that I had in Vegas. He would take me out and just be with me, so I wasn't alone all the time. Because if he wasn't with me, I was usually alone. I want to go visit Las Vegas soon, my dad said he would pay for half the ticket, and Ricky said he would pay for the other half. I do love him. And I know he has straightened up a lot. He quit smoking weed, he is even getting enrolled in school, Im so proud of him. I know he will get somewhere, I just wish he could do it for himself and everything.
Im going to try and do something with myself today. Hopefully Ill start writing a lot more.